Giving a Good Massage Part 4

Lubrication

Lubrication is a very important consideration, as it makes the massage strokes more sensual and effective. The reasoning behind lubrication is to decrease friction that is created by rubbing your hands on your partner's body. It benefits both the giver and the receiver of the massage by protecting them from dryness and rashes. If you have dry or sticky hands, many massage strokes can become very unpleasant, ruining the whole mood and the created atmosphere. A lot of lube should be used when applying anything more than very gentle pressures to protect the receiver's skin from getting damaged.

Lubrication comes in a number of forms, most popularly scented and unscented oils. It can also come as cream and lotion. For a quick and cheap solution, light vegetable oils work well, although they lack the pleasant scents of the commercial scented varieties. Almond oil is a good alternative to vegetable oil and the more expensive commercial oils. You can always add your own essential oils to give scents to any oil base. For most people, it is easier and more fun just to use the commercial massage oils, which come in a lot of fun scents.

One similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs to be used when massaging the genitals: this will make the experience more pleasurable and prevent sore spots from developing. One difference between men and women is that oil-based, water-based, or silicone-based lubricants may be used on men, while only water-based lubricants should be used on women in order to avoid encouraging vaginal infections. For genital massage on men, or for massage elsewhere on a man or woman's body, you can purchase special massage oils at massage supply shops or else just use a light vegetable oil (such as Safflower, Sunflower, or grape seed) from the supermarket. Lubricants and oils should be reapplied as necessary, so it's good to keep them handy on the nightstand.

It's very convenient to have flip-top squeeze bottles for lubes and oils, and even one of those massage oil "belts" that massage supply shops sell. Since many of these belts have two pockets, you could use one for lube and the other for massage oil. Be sure lubes and oils are warm before putting them on someone; if you wish you can run hot tap water over your flip-top bottles for a few minutes before using them, or maybe you could just keep the plastic bottles in a bowl of warm water instead of using a belt. It's also a good idea to put lubricants in your hand before applying them so you have a chance to rub your hands together to warm them if necessary. Oh, and one final word of advice: please be sure any water-based lube you may be using does not contain Nonoxynol-9 - the product is unlikely to do anything but irritate you or your lover's skin.

We highly recommend spending the extra few dollars and getting a high quality lube from a local adult toy store - it will be one of the greatest investments you'll ever make!

Good Communication

During both the relaxation and genital phases of your erotic massage it's important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable making requests and comments. He or she should feel free to mention anything that is getting in the way of his or her comfort and pleasure. Requests to go to the bathroom, for touch to be harder or lighter, to take a break or stop, for the heat to be turned up, etc., are all signs that levels of communication and trust are high. They are also signs that the receiving partner is paying attention to his or her feelings, which is a key to experiencing greater and greater pleasure.

Some people find that sex and/or pleasure can bring up difficult emotional issues for them. When someone is crying, or in a similarly distressed emotional state, it's usually best to just be there for that person and reassure them that it's OK to cry (possibly while holding them) rather than trying to rationally discuss what is going on or engage in problem-solving. Asking them what they need rather than assuming too much is also a good idea.

I hope it goes without saying that you both should be in agreement that your relationship includes the possibility of sexual intimacy before going ahead with an erotic massage. Situations where the giving partner tries to shift a relaxation massage into an erotic realm for the first time, but the receiving partner was expecting or wanting only relaxation, can be uncomfortable and embarrassing at the least. It's worth it to somehow bring this topic up beforehand with a new partner, even if you have to blush a little when telling him or her what you think it would be fun to do with them.